Here are some of the contenders for today's biggest...news...of...the...day...

• Earnings from Home Depot Inc (HD)...
• Earnings from Medtronic Inc (MDT)...
• Earnings from Target Corp (TGT)...
• A second-quarter loss for Saks Inc. (SKS)...
• A warning from Staples Inc (SPLS)...
• Data on housing starts...
• Data on producer prices...
• An acquisition by General Dynamics Corp (GD)...
• A possible battery defect that has caused some of Apple Inc's (AAPL) iPods to spew sparks...
• Word that "another big shareholder" in Starbucks Corp (SBUX) has finally capitulated...
• Concerns that the "worst of the global financial crisis is yet to come and a large U.S. bank will fail in the next few months..."
• A new CFO for GigaMedia Ltd (GIGM)...
• The move by Sirius XM Radio Inc.(SIRI) to hire Chris "Mad Dog" Russo...

While those are all stories worth watching, I think it is obviously clear that the biggest news is this quartet of stories -

• Israeli Turtle Gets Skateboard to Replace Legs - "...has begun mating since being fitted with a custom skateboard to overcome paralysis of her hind legs..."
• New Zealand kiddie disco forced to turn down noise - "...children rocking out to kiddie tracks at a kindergarten disco party were told to turn down the tunes or face a shut down of their party...blasted the theme song to 'Bob the Builder'...the last half hour of the disco, which finished at 7 p.m..."
• Helsinki rubbish bins to thank users for not littering - "...Finland's capital will distribute rubbish bins that say 'thank you' in celebrity voices when they are fed trash...this idea is great and fun...We hope it will encourage people to put rubbish in the bin to see if that can is the one that talks..."
• Colo. residents debate cow and bear confrontation - "...spotted a cow and a wild bear nuzzling noses Sunday and playing in a pasture..."

The first story is courtesy of my colleague Andrea Kramer who believes that this is some sort of ploy to disrupt the time-honored story of the Tortoise and the Hare.

Speaking of disruptions...the second story offers an "interesting" insight into the human thought process. Apparently, someone was so startled by "blaring" children's songs that they had to call the police. Note in the article that several babies were sleeping through the event. Makes you wonder if that really was the most important work the officers could have been working on. (And this skepticism is coming from someone who is subjected to these sort of songs on a never-ending daily basis!)

Speaking of makes you wonder...are people really so easily "wowed" that talking trash cans can make a difference? If so, I am scared for the future.

And, speaking of scared for the future...regular readers know the "real story" behind the cavorting cow and bear. This is just another sign of animal collusion that hints toward the looming animal uprising. And along that theme, I think the turtle skateboard is just a prototype for some sort of swift-armored attack vehicle. I am now adding turtles to the conspiracy.

Oh well...the wheels on the turtle go round and round...round and...hey - I wonder if my trash can talks...