Here are some of the contenders for today's biggest...news...of...the...day...

• Better-than-expected earnings, but a "modest outlook," from Wal-Mart Stores (WMT)...
• The acquisition of Electronic Data Systems Corp (EDS) by Hewlett-Packard Co (HPQ)...
• Better-than-expected earnings from Canadian Solar Inc.(CSIQ) that have the company's shares up more than 20%...[note - more on CSIQ can be found here...]
• FDA approval for Medtronic Inc's (MDT) "Vision 3D wireless implantable cardiac devices"...
• Some mildly upbeat comments from Ben Bernanke...
• A lowered forecast from Liz Claiborne (LIZ)...
• A look into how oil might impact the market...
• A look into the technicals of the S&P 500 (SPX)...
• A new solar cell from SunPower Corporation (SPWR) that is said to be a "world-record" in terms of efficiency...
• Energy drinks from Starbucks Corp (SBUX)...
• Earnings from GigaMedia Limited (GIGM)...

While those are all stories worth watching, I think it is obviously clear that the biggest story is this -

• Police: Drunk tuxedo-clad man took mower for ride - "...deputies got a report of an intoxicated person at a home in Irving around 1 a.m. Monday. When they arrived, the man was spotted riding away on his mower..."
• Aussie driver straps in beer, instead of child: police - "An Australian driver has been fined for putting a seatbelt around a carton of beer instead of a five-year-old passenger...There were four adults in the car, two in the front seat and two in the back seats and in between those adults there was the carton of beer strapped in with the belt..."

What is truly amazing, and sad for all of mankind, is that we have seen derivations of both of these situations in the recent past! Back in February, my colleague Jocelynn Drake discussed the story of "Beer gets seatbelt. Child doesn't" while I noted the last lawn-mower-get-away attempt.

Seriously?!?!?! One time is a fluke. Twice is enough to enough to make me cry...and fear that the animals have already won...even if they aren't even trying to...