Here are some of the contenders for today's biggest...news...of...the...day...

• A report that says J.P. Morgan Chase (JPM) "may quintuple its takeover offer for Bear Stearns Cos. (BSC) to more than $1 billion"...
• The postponement of Thornburg Mortgage's (TMA) $1 billion in convertible securities...
• A look into the proposed merger of the XM Satellite Radio (XMSR) and Sirius Satellite Radio(SIRI) with the belief that the FCC "is signaling that it's about to do something - finally"...
• Earnings from Tiffany & Co (TIF)...
• The departure of Electronic Arts' (ERTS) Chief Financial Officer...
• The plan by Electronic Arts (ERTS) "to break with the old ways of developing and marketing games. It's encouraging employees to be more creative...to create the next Batman or X-Men franchise in reverse..."
• Job cuts at Wall Street banks...Citigroup (C), Lehman Brothers Holdings (LEH), and Morgan Stanley (MS) are mentioned...
• An article that looks into "what if your broker goes belly up?"...
• New futures products based on the nonfarm payrolls number...

While those are all stories worth watching, I think it is obviously clear that the biggest story is, courtesy of reader Zak K, this - Horse thwarts Hawaii hospital's visitation rules...according to the article, "A man hoping to cheer up an ailing relative at Wilcox Memorial Hospital hadn't considered one of the visitation rules: No horses allowed"..."He and the horse entered the hospital earlier this month and rode an elevator up to the third floor, where they were met and stopped by security personnel"...

If that wasn't strange enough, the story ends on an even more bizarre twist as the patient was quoted as saying - "That's not my horse".

Oh, and for those wondering, it seems that science is continuing to tackle our most import and vexing problems as we have...

• Boomerang works in space: Japanese astronaut - "In an unprecedented experiment, a Japanese astronaut has thrown a boomerang in space and confirmed it flies back much like on Earth..."

I would say this is the most important breakthrough since we discussed the perplexing issue "of rich old men getting young attractive ladies" and the software that analyzes dog barks...