Here are some of the contenders for today's biggest...news...of...the...day...

• Earnings from Campbell Soup Co (CPB)...
• A rescue package for Citigroup Inc (C)...
• The buyout of Omrix Biopharmaceuticals Inc by Johnson & Johnson (JNJ)...[note - shares of OMRI showed unusually heavy volume Friday...]
• Concerns that Bank of America Corp (BAC) may be the next to need a bailout...
• Word that coal stocks are attracting the attention of big-name buyers such as "George Soros, Citadel Investment Group LLC and T. Rowe Price Group Inc..." Arch Coal Inc (ACI) and Peabody Energy Corp (BTU) are among the companies mentioned...
• A lowered forecast from Xerox Corp (XRX)...
• Additional disclosure about Berkshire Hathaway Inc's (BRK) derivatives exposure...
• Upbeat comments on Apple Inc (AAPL)...
• Word that Microsoft (MSFT) plans to challenge Google Inc (GOOG) on cloud computing...
• Upbeat comments on Baxter (BAX), C.R. Bard (BCR), Teva Pharmaceutical (TEVA), and Express Scripts (ESRX)...
• Expectations for weak retail sales...
• The need for retailers to offer deep discounts...
• A takeover agreement between King Pharmaceuticals Inc (KG) and Alpharma Inc (ALO)...
• Weakness in the housing market...
• Advice for General Motors (GM)...
• A buyback from L-3 Communications Holdings Inc (LLL)...

While those are all stories worth watching, I think it is obviously clear that the biggest news is this set of stories -

• Panda in China zoo bites student who wanted a hug - "...bitten by a panda after he broke into the bear's enclosure hoping to get a hug..."
• Mystery piano in woods perplexes police - "...probing the mysterious appearance of a piano, in good working condition, in the middle of the woods..."
• It's a strike, a spare. It's turkey bowling - "Cincinnati is warming up for Thanksgiving with its traditional Turkey Bowl...wins $100 cash and 'WKRP in Cincinnati' DVDs including the series' famous 'Turkeys Away' episode"

So...at first glance it was tempting to lump the panda attack in with the animal uprising theme but I don't think that is right. After all, this panda was just minding its own business when some college student invaded its home and tried to hug it. I think the panda was in the clear. Though, I do believe that this quote - "Yang Yang was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him..." - illustrates why an uprising may succeed. As far as the piano goes - maybe the animals put it there as a distraction?

The last story is, of course, in honor of this week's holiday and gives me an excuse to link to this classic episode - WKRP in Cincinnati - Turkeys Away - "Station manager Arthur Carlson comes up with a big idea for a unique holiday promotion involving live turkeys and a helicopter..."

Though, after thinking about this and recent chatter about deflation, isn't this eerily similar to the Helicopter Ben story?