Here are some of the contenders for today's biggest...news...of...the...day...

• Earnings from Hewlett-Packard Co (HPQ)...
• Earnings from Home Depot Inc (HD)...
• Earnings from Saks Inc (SKS)...
• Earnings from Medtronic Inc (MDT)...
• Job cuts at Pepsi Bottling Group Inc (PBG)...
• Optimism on Itron Inc (ITRI)...
• Insider trading charges for Mark Cuban...
• Paulson's TARP plans...
• Concerns we are heading for "a second Great Depression..."
• The announcement that Corning Inc (GLW) has withdrawn its previous guidance...
• Word that Stericycle Inc (SRCL) will replace Anheuser-Busch (BUD) in the S&P 500 (SPX)...
• An argument for optimism on Yahoo Inc (YHOO) "as investors celebrate the exit of Jerry 'The Stumbling Block' Yang..."
• A warning from Pier 1 Imports Inc (PIR)...
• The termination of the proposed takeover of Alpha Natural Resources Inc (ANR) by Cliffs Natural Resources Inc (CLF)...
• Increased store traffic at Wal-Mart Stores Inc (WMT) as gas prices come down...
• An argument to raise the gas tax which "would cause economic hardship..."
• Data on wholesale prices...

While those are all stories worth watching, I think it is obviously clear that the biggest news is this set of stories -

• Norway's police headquarters robbed - "...the intruders smashed a window to gain entry into the building. The robbery was discovered three hours later..."
• Kangaroo genes close to humans - "Australia's kangaroos are genetically similar to humans...There is great chunks of the human genome which is sitting right there in the kangaroo genome..."
• Iowa magician, hand model sues over snipped finger - "...also affected Albanese's ability to play the banjo, which he does as part of his act..."

So...we learn of police stations getting robbed (successfully), that the kangaroo might be my cousin, and that Kmart Corp. and Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia (MSO) might be involved in a conspiracy plot to eradicate the banjo. The kangaroo story is especially interesting/disturbing given the recent push to get people to eat more kangaroo.