Here are some of the contenders for today's biggest...news...of...the...day...

• Upbeat comments from International Business Machines Corp (IBM)...
• Rumors that National City Corp (NCC) may be working on a sale...
• Comments from Henry Paulson that suggest "the government may invest in banks as the next step in trying to resolve the deepening credit crisis..."
• Word that the Fed is loaning more money to American International Group Inc (AIG)...[note - this comes after the recent controversy about a supposed $440,000 corporate retreat...]
• Concerns on Yahoo! Inc (YHOO) as it seems the company does nothing but flounder...[Note - as I said more than two years ago I think YHOO needs to drop the exclamation point from its name before it can bottom...]
• A look into the "panic that psychologists and historians say isn't necessarily rational and may intensify..."
• A reaffirmed outlook from ArcelorMittal (MT)...
• A reaffirmed outlook from Applied Biosystems Inc (ABI)...
• A downgrade for Orbitz Worldwide (OWW)...
• A stock purchase rights plan from Jamba Inc (JMBA)...
• A look into Libor..
• Continued financial turmoil in Iceland...
• Pessimism from global CEOs...
• Some short-term optimism on LDK Solar Co., Ltd. (LDK)...

While those are all stories worth watching, I think it is obviously clear that the biggest news is this set of stories -

• Burned! Washington state woman shot by stove - "...she was hit by part of a 22-gauge shotgun shell that she had accidentally put into the stove..."
• Package Of Bacon Forces Evacuation At Lawmaker's Office - "...local offices was evacuated Monday afternoon after a suspicious package arrived in the mail...After an X-ray analysis, investigators determined the package contained bacon..."
• Google tool to keep emails sober - "...has adapted its free email service to help those letting loose after a few evening cocktails or succumbing to lovelorn moments from firing off messages they might regret in the morning..."
• Package Of Bacon Forces Evacuation At Lawmaker's Office - "...local offices was evacuated Monday afternoon after a suspicious package arrived in the mail...After an X-ray analysis, investigators determined the package contained bacon..."
• Beau of woman stuck on toilet wins lottery - "...whose girlfriend was physically stuck to the toilet in their home has won $20,000 in the state Lottery, for the second time this year..." [courtesy of my colleague Elizabeth Harrow]

So...we start with the simple lesson that you shouldn't put bullets in your wood burning stove. Seems like common sense, but I guess that is something that needs to be explicitly stated. After all, we have seen that more than one person has been surprised by the fact that gasoline vapors are really, really, really, flammable...

Meanwhile, we find that Google is working on a way to stop sending emails while drunk. Perhaps they can work with the post office to keep bacon out of the mail? I still can't believe someone wasted good bacon on a politician. Is nothing sacred? Its B-A-C-O-N!!!

As far as the last story goes, some may remember the bizarre case of a woman who sat on her boyfriend's toilet for two years. Now we find he hit the lottery - twice? Elizabeth summed up the situation with a single word - "weird"...there is something unnatural about the entire thing...